My Friend the Vampire

Yes, I’m recording. I’ve been recording since before I called you. — Because the last time I trusted you with my consciousness I lost approximately two hours. Is that unfair? — Good. Then let's start there. [aside] Another dispatch from Scott Evers. Read for you by Geezer III. Ladies and gentlemen, Roman Bly calls me once or twice a year. [plainly] We are not friends. [plainly] We have been not friends for nearly forty years. — Yes, Roman. Why did you call? — Sarapion. — My cousin. Of course. — No, “more than hereditary” does not improve the situation. Apparently they found a tomb in Egypt. Seventeen hundred years old. A son named Sarapion left words for his dead father asking him to accept offerings from his grieving children. [turns] Roman thinks I should pay attention. He sees a mirroring of our lives. I do not. But it reminded him of the night we met. And I've been meaning for forty years to ask him something. What happened? — We talked? That's it? — [slowly] Roman, I was underwater. I remember sitting around that little table with you and Lisa trying to conjure my grandfather. [remembering] In a pantry with no groceries. You kept changing our chairs. Every time we moved, I went somewhere else. I stood in a doorway full of stars. I was underwater. At one point I was above the house looking down at the dogs playing outside. Mercy. — [turns] I know I wasn't above the house. That's not what I'm saying. Then Death Valley. Not Death Valley as I know it. Something terrible. I was looking down and you were leading Lisa away from me. I remember calling to her. Don't go with him, darlin’. Don't go. — Lisa remembered that too. Not Death Valley. Being somewhere else. But wherever she went, she was with you. And I was gone. — You say I was sitting there. Talking. For two hours? What did I talk about? — My father. Of course. What about him? [pause] The dog. — I told you that? My father accidentally backed over his dog. Didn't kill it. So he had to finish it with the blunt end of a shovel. I remember the dog looking at him. That's the part that stayed with me. Almost human. My father wasn't the same afterward. — What else? — Children. I wanted children. You said I'd have four. — Well. Lots of people have four children. — Yes. I did. And you said they would know me differently than I knew my father. That's a fairly good guess after hearing the dog story. — What else did I tell you? [pause] No. Who told you that? — Lisa didn't. Nobody knew. — Me? I told you. I told you we'd lost the baby? [pause] Huh. I don't remember telling anyone. Not even my family. [glass] Hold on. Just pouring myself a drink. I find it helps me process my vampiric experiences. — Don't pollute the blood. Ha. Funny. Lisa asked you whether people would ever live forever. You told her no. — Not probably. Never. How did you know? You were what, twenty? — Yes. And a vampire. Got it. [quietly to dog] He’s a vampire, Rocky. But you knew that. Roman Bly was a little rough back then. Arizona cowboy. Black clothes. Interesting face. He had a taste for my wife. — Lisa. And apparently a taste for me. — No, I admit it. I was attracted to you. In a way I had never felt attracted to someone before. There. Let's not dwell on it. — I said let's not dwell on it. The candle kept getting taller. Every time we changed chairs. Finally it looked ridiculous. Cartoon fire. Then it went out. Darkness. Lisa was beside me. Roman across the table. I said, what just happened? [whispers] What just happened? [quietly] Lisa didn't speak. Roman seemed content. Later we went to dinner. Lisa devoured a steak. Rare. Disturbing. Nearly ordered another. — I know. A little on the nose. She was troubled for a long time afterward. She said she felt betrayed by me. Couldn't tell me why. And Roman said whatever had happened around that table might seem banal to us. But he'd felt a connection. He expected it to last forever. — Well. Here we are. Forty years later. — No. You haven't changed that much either. [pause] What do you mean, either? [ambient sound] [calling the dog] Here girl. Yes. I can only imagine what you’re thinking. Gotta call Fred about that one. Good material. Look at you. What’s your worry? He’s not coming here. No. Don’t you worry. Where’s Rusty. Go get her. Princess, you stay there. Or don’t. [laughs]